Sunday, 24 October 2010

Can Autumn Last Forever?

Autumn, I think, is an appropriate metaphor for my present existence.


You see, the last 3 years have been the strangest years of my life, so far at least. I have found in Salvador Dali’s paintings (the greatest artist ever) the visual  tools to describe my present state of affairs. Thank you Salvador and Rodin, for the priceless inspiration. 'If both you artists were blind, you would have still seen more man most.'

with my head held in my hands...

It seems not so long ago I had a family, a house, a car, a job and money and now, none of the above! Well obviously I still have family but the dynamics have changed. These things have disappeared over the last 36 months, or even collapsed, like domino pieces on the wobbly table of life.

helpless, constrained and in suspense...

I find myself trying to make sense of this senseless phase, and asking what the hell has happened in the last 3 years?

why is there no movement?

I miss having my own home.

I miss having a good job.

I miss having routine and stability in my life.

I miss looking forward to weekends, mostly spent fishing with Mattie or visiting my beloved and sorely missed brother Paulo, who has also sadly departed from my life... far too soon.

I miss being a full time dad to Mattie. I miss making his tea in the morning and kissing his freshly awakened face. I missed out last time with Shaun and Katie and now, once again, history seems to be repeating itself.

what next?...

In the last 3 years I lost all those things and now find myself stranded in limbo, head held in my idle hands, waiting for an opportunity to kick-start my life.

when will I see my REAL reflection?


I await my rebirth with anticipation...should it happen


I believe it will happen, eventually, but… when?

How much is too much?

:(


7 comments:

  1. Life has a way of kicking us when we're down and taking from us when things are good. Truly it stinks and I feel for you the time you are missing with your Mattie and your older ones. The most important thing is to make the best memories with them that you can, at every opportunity. Easier said than done, I know! I hope you will find your step up from this rough patch soon! I am rooting for you! Chin up!

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  2. god only knows what would have happened to you if you hadnt met me when you started "losing all those things"! but that's ok, you can repay me when u can ;)

    /M

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  3. Amen! I know the feeling(kind of).
    It seems that all bad things in life is arriving at the same time. The most important thing is to have people around you that you can trust. I really miss the crazy moments that we had and I hope youre well. Hugs/Martin

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  4. Anon 1; ;)

    Momma; Thank you for your kind words :)

    Anon 2; Muah

    Anon 3; Hi Martin! we had some great times in Madeira, roadtrips, gigs at Moynihans and all the many drinks in between. Hope to see you soon on my next trip to Sweden or yours to London.Hugs to you and Nina

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  5. Found this - and was remembered of my old life:

    Private comp. jets - international travel - many, many , many countries, lived life to the fullest, country house to big for two - Labrador who had a lonely life, while I thought I was on top.

    In realty I was on the bottom of any real live. I am now on the top of life, but on the bottom of measurement and comparison in our society.

    Boy, do I wish I could combine the world of power and outside glamor with the world of thoughts I had while I am - on top of my world.

    Is it too late? I hope not. After each Autumn comes Winter - comes spring.


    "We begin to see that there are seasons in life as there are seasons in nature"

    Krisnamurti.

    God bless and I hope for all to BECOME...

    Joe, I love your page..

    Anono 101 > A true world traveler - once and still hurting.

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  6. Thank you Anono 101 - Krisnamurti was indeed right.Thanks for you comment and I hope you find your way again back to a happier state

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