Friday, 5 September 2014
"Why the long face, the lost little boy look?"
"Just pensive and retrospective, that's all"
"Unlike you 'Mr Life-is-Wonderful'!"
"Yes I know, but..."
"Recently and out of the blue I came across a short video-clip of her on social media and it has left me...thinking, wondering,, slightly off kilter"
"Ah ah, still delving in the past then, are you?"
"In a way. You see, memories came flooding back watching her. I felt the dull ache of emotion and longing in my chest."
"Understandable but unhealthy if you ask me"
"Yeah. I know. Somehow the passing of time isn't helping me"
"Does she know how you feel? Do you want her to know how you feel?"
"I guess not. The last thing I want is to cause her any discomfort"
"Then you must keep it to yourself. Don't tell her. And don't blog about it"
"Yeah but you know I blog about all that is relevant in my life. And what if she feels the same? That would be a terrible missed opportunity, surely!"
"Well tell her then, but I doubt she'll even listen"
"You see, the way she spoke seemed so...familiar. Familiar not as in routine and mundane but more as in utterly endearing. And from a photo I also noticed a distant look in her eyes. A look tinged with a hint of sadness and uncertainty"
"Maybe that's you wishful-thinking. What are you doing looking at photos of her anyway?"
" Never mind why. Could be wishful thinking. But I wanted to run to her, hug her and reassure her. To touch her and love her as I had done before. To share her pleasure and her pain and wipe away her tears"
"You're in deep shit Mr Positive"
"And not for the first time either. I know I was at times the cause of some of her uncertainty. For that I am eternally sorry. Sorry also for being distracted and blinded by the dazzling flame of adventure and excitement.The adventure of a new beginning that soon turned into the demise of something special. Something that shouldn't have ceased to exist. There was no real reason then, which is the more baffling"
"Leave yesterday in the past. If you live in your emotional past you'll miss out in the present and jeopardise your future"
"I know. It's not a case of regretting anything either. More a case of still loving someone I should no longer love"
"Then stop loving her. I very much doubt she still loves you anyway. Stop wasting your time with the past"
"I've heard that piece of advice before and always thought it to be somewhat shallow and inadequate. Feelings can't be controlled, manipulated or doctored on a whim. Not by me"
"You and your 'unrequited love' nonsense surfacing again...and again. Same old, same old"
" I want her to know how I feel. I don't want her to think I have ulterior motives brought on by the present spell of self-induced solitude"
"But you know she'll think that's the case, don't you?"
"Yes, but the reason lies deeper than you think. I've had ample time to re-evaluate my past actions. Time to reflect upon my journey and all the right and wrong turns I took. Time to take stock and accept responsibility. Time alone to ponder "
"You've always been one to bleed wilfully and joyfully. A sucker for punishment, if you ask me"
"Indeed dear friend, indeed. To bleed one needs only to be alive"
"Best let bygones be bygones. All that was yesterday"
"Yes, yesterday. The same yesterday that inflicted wounds that won't heal"