Weekend To Remember

I will start by retracting some but not all of the criticism directed at online dating in my previous post.

It appears I wasn't the only one trying out Zoosk purely for research and curiosity reasons.

A delightful person responded to one of my messages!

And we have met, several times!

And...erm...watch this space :)

Yes, I can honestly say I am surprised and bewildered to have found a genuine sparkling gem in what at first seemed to be a dubious market place stocked with unlabelled goods.

I must desist from the annoying habit of jumping to premature conclusions!

On an equally cheerful note, I announce another extremely pleasant experience that happened Saturday night ( no, not that  -_- ) in Basingstoke.

I was at the New Inn pub with pals (and my delightful new-found gem) to listen to my friend Lisandra playing her live gig. 

I was called up to do a song (something I love doing) and then returned to my table, humbly acknowledging the applause (something I love even more) when an unknown chap in the crowd approached me, shook me by the hand and introduced himself as Ralph.

He knew my name and informed me of how much he loves my blog!

Ralph went on to tell me how he is also thinking of starting a blog and reads mine for inspiration.

Thank you Ralph. You will succeed !

I don't know if all these wonderful surprises are actually good for my health but I'm sure as hell not about to start complaining.

A special thanks and huge hug to Lisandra. 

A heartfelt thank-you to my beloved friends Claudia and Marco, for their enduring friendship, boundless love and selfless hospitality. And also for accepting my precious new friend, with their customary charm and open arms.

And last but not least, thank you, sweet P, for making me tremble in anticipation of our next encounter <3

:)

Thirst That Can Not Be Quenched

Have you ever wanted someone so badly that you actually feel a sensation akin to a warm nervous tremor in your stomach every time you see or think about that person?

I hope you have.

And if you have, was the feeling mutual?

I hope it was...for your sake, for I doubt there is anything more gut-wrenching and frustrating than wanting someone who doesn't feel the same way about you.

It is a hunger that can not be sated.

Oh, the ultimate mental torture that is unrequited love!

Strange how medical science, despite its numerous achievements and advances over the last century, is still incapable of providing explanations to feelings and emotions such as love, longing, desire and attraction.

I believe that eventually science will be able to explain such emotions, and possibly even find a cure for what is commonly referred to as matters of the heart. Matters of the mind would be a more appropriate description. Sadly, such a breakthrough is not likely happen soon.

I see your name everywhere, everyday, in a nondescript name tag and in the lines of my poem...

"  Bring forth the end of your eternal absence and
   Embellish my existence with your sparkling presence
   Light up the darkness of my Autumn days
   Light up the flickering embers in my hearth
   And allow my boundless affection safe passage into your heart"

JP

100 Words: When the people I love fall in love with people I love

Having a large group of friends in a small town - as I do - means that often someone is falling in or out of love, at times within the group. The dynamics change constantly.

Most of time it is heart-warming to see people I love falling in love with people I love. Some problems can arise when a couple fall out and one doesn't know how to appease both parties.

But in one particular occasion, that heart-warming feeling gave way to heart-ache when, someone I cared for  more than I realised, fell in love with someone other than me. The perceived rejection stirred up hidden  emotions and made me question how solid a friendship can be when tainted with romantic undertones.

The price one has to pay to have friends of the opposite sex!

:)

The meaning of life - Update

I wrote a post titled The Meaning of Life a couple of years back, and after re-reading it, decided to add a few more relevant points and some wonderful photos for your enjoyment. As we live and learn our ideas evolve along with everything else - at least it does for some of us.

Love and compassion - no god required

**

The Meaning of Life

Life has no meaning. Life needs no meaning.

Life's meaning is living life.

And that is why scientists and doctors, philosophers and deluded religious thinkers, have failed to come up with an answer. Life is for living, to the best of our ability.

We are not here for any purpose other than living the life bestowed upon us by Nature.  The gift of life comes with no conditions attached - never has and never will.

Nature has not given us or any other animal a life in order to indebt us to itself - it has no such agenda.

Nature expects nothing more from us than to live life. And when staying alive is not an option, it will absorb and recycle our remains and turn them into new life.

Nature has no bias towards good or evil, straight or gay, black or white, man or ant. It does not discriminate between the rich and poor, the giver and the taker, the maker or breaker; not even between the living or deceased.

Nature did not favour Mother Theresa over Adolf Hitler, or Florence Nightingale over Josef Stalin - it simply recycled both in the same uncompromising way it will recycle all of us.

Nature expects nothing but continuation and ensures life's longing for itself is the ultimate driving force - without judgement.

We are here to live the life we inherited, and if in the process we send forth our DNA by procreation, fine, if not, fine, there will be no retribution.  Nature bears no grudges and harbours no vengeful thoughts.

As social animals, we have developed laws and regulations, morals and activities likely to enhance our existence. All social animal groups display the same characteristics. You will find love and compassion, justice and fraternity in all animal social groups, from a pride of lions to a colony of ants, from a human village to a meerkat colony. Nature has bestowed upon its creations intelligence and common sense.

Humans are inherently good natured and will continue to strive to  improve the lives of all who share this great natural world of ours. Humans or any other animal group does not need to invent an almighty god to acquire morals and guidance, it needs only to study the world around us. The answers to social success are already available, one only needs to study Nature to get the answers. For examples of social cohesion and mutual benefit cooperation, look no further than a colony of Emperor penguins; or a band of gorillas; a school of dolphins, and countless more.

Here are some displays of friendship among animals - and no god-given moral code required!

Nature has one commandment; 'Let there be life'.

Humanity needs only to add another;  'Treat others as you'd like to be treated'.

:)

100 Words: When the sun went down

I met her * at Estudasses Bar.  I was with brother and a mutual friend when we were introduced.

I liked her instantly. Her beauty and raw energy immediately turned her into the focus of all my attention.

* Note to reader: Anonymity is prudent in uncertainty

To say I was drawn to her dazzling smile is an understatement.  And in that 'sawdust-and-dodgy-character' bar, only she sparkled - like a diamond over scattered wood chips.

We spoke of our love of London and music, and music we love.

She is gorgeous, captivating and a talented singer.

Love her.

I came to London.

Can't get her out of my mind...don't want to

Life's mistakes are what the wise call experience

When history repeats itself and the event is good and positive, that's fine, but when it is bad or negative it means we're not learning by past mistakes.

Although I agree with this declaration and try to live by it, I am guilty, more often than I'd like, of failing to heed the advice of my own conscience.

This "failure" manifests itself repeatedly in my quest to find someone to love. I'd like to think I am old and wise enough to know better - but clearly that's not the case.  The more I deal with women the less I seem to know about them!  And when I get it completely wrong  I run the risk of losing a friend.

That won't do.

I wonder if there is a comprehensive  handbook/manual of some kind or an encyclopedia on the female species mindset on this subject? If anyone knows out there in blogland please let me know.

I have lots of female friends, and when I ask their opinion on these matters, I get differing and contradictive  views. I ask because, they being women, are much more likely to know how my prospective and desired thinks.

Here follows the advice from four different friends after each being told the story separately and as accurately as I could muster.

"If I were you I'd look elsewhere - give up"

"If I were you I'd continue and let her know exactly how you feel"

"If I were you I wouldn't give up hope"

"If I were you I'd distance myself and let her take the next step"


Even more interesting is the fact that the object of my desire is known to all four of them.


As Leonard Cohen once wrote, and I quote;

"All the rocket ships are flying through the sky
the holy books are open wide
doctors working day and night
but they´ll never ever find a cure for love" 


...or a comprehensive and foolproof handbook


:)






.

Can it really be true?

I read in a magazine yesterday that men can, and often do, fall in love very quickly; within minutes sometimes. I don't remember the sample size of this survey or the validity of the researchers but I do agree with it. I'm sure it has happened to me, and not so long ago. After all we men are simple creatures driven by desire and impulse. Maybe simple is not the right adjective to use here. Uncomplicated? Less complicated? Yes, that's it.

But just as quick as some men fall in love, some women seem to fall out of and in love again. That's a more interesting fact.

Take for instance my case with  Madeleine (like you didn't already know). We had a relationship that lasted 4 years. Stormy, volatile years yes, but 4 years nonetheless.

As recently as 2 months ago Madeleine and I were discussing our future plans. We spoke about the home we were going to move into, the pet goats, cat, dog, pug and mini-pig, the children, and our future business plan. 

Most importantly, Madeleine told me how she loved me more than anything else and wanted us to be together , forever.

It is because of such words, spoken frequently, that kept me trying to make a go of our doomed relationship. In other words, I knew things weren't right but somehow felt that I should work at it because there was love involved on both parts. Or was there?

A month after that she was seeing someone else! 

OK, we had all but broken up but still...


Madeleine came around to my place last week to collect some of her stuff and I asked her if she was in love with this new chap and after a short pause, she answered 'yes'. The kind of yes that means; uhmmm? I think so.

Now that's a quick turn around.

I would appreciate any comment from my dear blog friends that may help me understand this situation. But  don't worry, I'm not holding my breath!

:)

Mental trauma or hangover?

The last few days have been strange. Surreal even. A giddy mix of highs and lows conducive with someone who suffers with bipolar disorder. Only trouble is I am not manic depressive.

(Disclaimer - I apologize for the dour and humourless content of today´s post. If you are in a  somber or suicidal mood I insist you click out of this page right now, but if you feel like empathizing with my condition, please read on and leave me some uplifting comments.I need them.)

The cause of my temporary state of mind is the acrimonious break up with Madeleine.

My partner-in-crime-of-four-years and I, have gone our separate ways.  It feels weird, unreal and extremely unpleasant.

Although I genuinely believe it is for the best and agree fully with our collective decision, it still hurts like mad. 

Our fraught-with-difficulties relationship, seems to have run out of steam and we both run out of energy to argue.

I can´t elaborate on personal matters for two main reasons: The first being respect for Madeleine´s privacy and secondly, my version of events would be biased and not entirely accurate. It would be of no use to anyone. There are three sides to every such story; his, hers and the truth.

In the last 18 months I have lost some of the most important people in my life. It is beginning to take its toll. Three life-changing events have taken away a lot of the happiness I once had. And I don´t like it one bit.

I know time is the great healer, but fresh wounds are being inflicted over older wounds that have not had time to heal.

Enough of this depressing subject. I will end this post with a known proverb - inverted, for obvious reasons.

´In front of every silver lining, there´s a dark cloud´

(...)

PS. I returned to The Warm Up Bar for another late jam session last night and once again forgot to take the camera. Duh!

PPS. And I have a blinding hangover as a result.

PPPS. And why not? I´m living the life of a single man. Wine, women and song, not necessarily in that order.

PPPPS. Don´t forget, all you lovely single ladies out there, to book your dates with me now. Don´t leave it too late to avoid disappointment :)  My diary is filling up fast!

PPPPPS. Nothing, I just like keeping the p key pppppppppp
ppressed

:)

What's love got to do with it?



I'm no beginner when it comes to relationships, I have had a few in my time. I'm quite intelligent and perceptive, I like new challenges and am always eager to learn. So why is it, after all of my life's experiences, I am no closer to understanding women?

I have always known that men and women are opposites in every sense of the word, but I also believed there was much more common ground than there appears to be.

What I expect from a partner;

1- Love and affection
2- Loyalty
3- Fidelity
4- Consideration

Nothing more nothing less. Simple really, the main ingredients for a loving relationship. But what has been expected of me is much more complicated than that. Why?

The following are some of the demands and conditions expected from me by my companions.

1-  Love
2-  Loyalty
3-  Fidelity  (so far so good )
4-  Provide financial security
5-  Be at their beck and call 24/7
6-  Providing a shoulder to cry on (still OK to a degree,)
7-  Enduring rejection and emotional blackmail regularly
8-  Stopping smoking
9-  Putting up with mood swings and tantrums
10-Listening to gossip
11-Putting up with friends/family feuds caused by partner
12-Trying to resolve said friends/family feuds
13-Ensuring we live in "the right area", affordable or not
14-Putting up with  "what's mine is ours what's hers is hers"...

...there are plenty more, too numerous to publish.

Albert Einstein made an interesting observation on relationships and said;

"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change.Invariably they are both disappointed"

No wonder Jesus never married! You need to be a saint to put up with it.

;)

Gratitude Attitude

To Madeleine with love...

Thank you for being there when I need you most...

Thank you for putting up with the adverse situation we are in...

Thank you for being patient and not giving up...

Thank you for staying strong while isolated from friends and relatives...

Thank you for putting up with me...

Thank you for your love and companionship...

Eternally gratefully yours...J