Can it really be true?

I read in a magazine yesterday that men can, and often do, fall in love very quickly; within minutes sometimes. I don't remember the sample size of this survey or the validity of the researchers but I do agree with it. I'm sure it has happened to me, and not so long ago. After all we men are simple creatures driven by desire and impulse. Maybe simple is not the right adjective to use here. Uncomplicated? Less complicated? Yes, that's it.

But just as quick as some men fall in love, some women seem to fall out of and in love again. That's a more interesting fact.

Take for instance my case with  Madeleine (like you didn't already know). We had a relationship that lasted 4 years. Stormy, volatile years yes, but 4 years nonetheless.

As recently as 2 months ago Madeleine and I were discussing our future plans. We spoke about the home we were going to move into, the pet goats, cat, dog, pug and mini-pig, the children, and our future business plan. 

Most importantly, Madeleine told me how she loved me more than anything else and wanted us to be together , forever.

It is because of such words, spoken frequently, that kept me trying to make a go of our doomed relationship. In other words, I knew things weren't right but somehow felt that I should work at it because there was love involved on both parts. Or was there?

A month after that she was seeing someone else! 

OK, we had all but broken up but still...


Madeleine came around to my place last week to collect some of her stuff and I asked her if she was in love with this new chap and after a short pause, she answered 'yes'. The kind of yes that means; uhmmm? I think so.

Now that's a quick turn around.

I would appreciate any comment from my dear blog friends that may help me understand this situation. But  don't worry, I'm not holding my breath!

:)

Premature, immature, call it what you will

and the cracks started to show...

My previous post had me questioning my actions of going public on blogger with my personal affairs, but I have since reached the conclusion that it was the right thing to do. Well, the right thing by me anyway, and that´s what counts. I knew there was no way back for us two and could therefore  report unhindered.

I am so convinced of the benefits of going public that I will continue to report on this subject matter until I see fit to stop.

This evening on my way home, I saw `someone´ walk arm in arm with what appeared to be a new boyfriend and I confess to feeling more uncomfortable than I would have liked. It actually hurt me to the core, even though we split up some 2 weeks ago and reconciliation was not an option. I suspected and questioned recently if there was someone else on the scene because of her relaxed and accepting attitude to our split-up. Anyway, to me it´s a case of "jumping from the frying pan into the fire".

Speaking from personal experience, I think it´s a terrible idea.  I undertand that it makes it much easier to cope with a break-up when a replacement shoulder-to-cry-on is found, but such action restricts and confuses the natural healing/re-adjustment process.

Surely everyone knows that. It is plain old common sense. Or is it?

Four years ago I started dating `someone´ a month or so after breaking up with Sarah and have always regretted getting involved so soon. I believe to this day that I confused the warm feeling of comfort in someones arms with that of being in love. As a result, the new relationship started off on the wrong footing and, lets be honest, with the wrong person. It was an awkward, argumentative and volatile relationship that never got any easier. I´m amazed it lasted 4 years. That must be down to both of us being stubborn as mules. Everyone else could see then the obvious flaws with our partnership; everyone except me.

Experience comes with living, making mistakes and learning from those mistakes. What `someone´ is doing now is what I once did and have lived to regret.  I guess `someone´ needs to learn from her own mistakes.

Cases like these convince me that experience beats youth, any day.

As Forrest once said and I quote "life´s like a box of chocolates, you never know what you gonna get..."

:(

Mental trauma or hangover?

The last few days have been strange. Surreal even. A giddy mix of highs and lows conducive with someone who suffers with bipolar disorder. Only trouble is I am not manic depressive.

(Disclaimer - I apologize for the dour and humourless content of today´s post. If you are in a  somber or suicidal mood I insist you click out of this page right now, but if you feel like empathizing with my condition, please read on and leave me some uplifting comments.I need them.)

The cause of my temporary state of mind is the acrimonious break up with Madeleine.

My partner-in-crime-of-four-years and I, have gone our separate ways.  It feels weird, unreal and extremely unpleasant.

Although I genuinely believe it is for the best and agree fully with our collective decision, it still hurts like mad. 

Our fraught-with-difficulties relationship, seems to have run out of steam and we both run out of energy to argue.

I can´t elaborate on personal matters for two main reasons: The first being respect for Madeleine´s privacy and secondly, my version of events would be biased and not entirely accurate. It would be of no use to anyone. There are three sides to every such story; his, hers and the truth.

In the last 18 months I have lost some of the most important people in my life. It is beginning to take its toll. Three life-changing events have taken away a lot of the happiness I once had. And I don´t like it one bit.

I know time is the great healer, but fresh wounds are being inflicted over older wounds that have not had time to heal.

Enough of this depressing subject. I will end this post with a known proverb - inverted, for obvious reasons.

´In front of every silver lining, there´s a dark cloud´

(...)

PS. I returned to The Warm Up Bar for another late jam session last night and once again forgot to take the camera. Duh!

PPS. And I have a blinding hangover as a result.

PPPS. And why not? I´m living the life of a single man. Wine, women and song, not necessarily in that order.

PPPPS. Don´t forget, all you lovely single ladies out there, to book your dates with me now. Don´t leave it too late to avoid disappointment :)  My diary is filling up fast!

PPPPPS. Nothing, I just like keeping the p key pppppppppp
ppressed

:)

What's love got to do with it?



I'm no beginner when it comes to relationships, I have had a few in my time. I'm quite intelligent and perceptive, I like new challenges and am always eager to learn. So why is it, after all of my life's experiences, I am no closer to understanding women?

I have always known that men and women are opposites in every sense of the word, but I also believed there was much more common ground than there appears to be.

What I expect from a partner;

1- Love and affection
2- Loyalty
3- Fidelity
4- Consideration

Nothing more nothing less. Simple really, the main ingredients for a loving relationship. But what has been expected of me is much more complicated than that. Why?

The following are some of the demands and conditions expected from me by my companions.

1-  Love
2-  Loyalty
3-  Fidelity  (so far so good )
4-  Provide financial security
5-  Be at their beck and call 24/7
6-  Providing a shoulder to cry on (still OK to a degree,)
7-  Enduring rejection and emotional blackmail regularly
8-  Stopping smoking
9-  Putting up with mood swings and tantrums
10-Listening to gossip
11-Putting up with friends/family feuds caused by partner
12-Trying to resolve said friends/family feuds
13-Ensuring we live in "the right area", affordable or not
14-Putting up with  "what's mine is ours what's hers is hers"...

...there are plenty more, too numerous to publish.

Albert Einstein made an interesting observation on relationships and said;

"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change.Invariably they are both disappointed"

No wonder Jesus never married! You need to be a saint to put up with it.

;)