Sunday, 2 January 2011

A night to remember

 'Work hard, play harder' . That was one of the topics covered last night...

...when I met up with work colleagues at a pub in Surrey.

the picturesque pub in Surrey... even better by night 

As we got comfortable and snug on a table next to the open fire-place, a group of partially clothed local girls came in (-3 centigrade outside) wearing their summer best. Tight Primark vests and skirts above their eyebrows, the girls looked comical with their purple goose-bumped flesh and bright red lipstick. Temperature didn't get in the way of fashion. As they trembled past our table, "X" turned to us and said "the farmer has left the gate open".

I had heard him come out with that saying before, but this time it was funnier, and much more appropriate . We rolled about laughing to the disapproving looks from the red-and-lilac new arrivals.

the 'weather-resistant' local girls

Karaoke started, and if it wasn't for "Ugly Betty" and yours truly it would have been a total disaster. The portly young woman with a pint glass permanently stuck to her right hand that we nicknamed "Ugly Betty" had the figure of a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig and facial hair to match. She was (is) seriously hideous but had the voice of an angel! Bizarre! A case of Mother Nature compensating. To make matters worse (if aesthetically possible) "Ugly Betty" sported a very festive bright red nose, obviously suffering with a cold, but still managed to sing "I will always love you" better than anyone, SuBo and Whitney included.

"Ugly Betty" in full flow

As "Ugly Betty" took a breath between the line "I'll always love you..." and the ensuing "ooooooooooo" a bubble of snot inflated from her right nostril, quickly reaching the size of an orange. The snot-balloon burst and sprinkled the nearby tables with rainbow droplets of "swine flu". Undisturbed by the sudden explosion around her face, "Ugly" managed to end the song in style; and would have received a standing ovation, if  the crowd of drunk admirers had been able to stand.

As Karaoke was coming to an end, "X" decided he couldn't wait any longer in the queue to go toilet and decided to fill 3 empty bottles of Corona with a similar coloured fluid (albeit much stronger in alcohol content) right under the table we were all sharing. Discreet, yes, as no one saw the bottles being filled, but also  messy. The left leg of his jeans changed to a darker shade that lasted all night, like some kind of Divine punishment.

Out in the garden for a ciggie, "Y" decided to test the temperature of the canal water by dipping his fingers in it. He slipped down the icy bank, miraculously staying on his feet but ending up with a pair of soggy and muddy Nike trainers and very cold feet. He squelched back into the pub looking like a bad case of the runs had caught him unawares.

Closing time, we staggered down to "Zs" place for a night cap, getting some kebabs and  more beer on the way.  We talked about new years resolutions and agreed in principle, to meet up every last Saturday of the month at a different venue, until we've visited every river/canal pub in Surrey.  It will take around 98 years, but... time's on our side! I've been given the task to set up headquarters for our meeting point in future. I've got just the right logo;

My 'headquarters' logo

Happy New Year to all...


  1. SuBe NEVER sang I Will Always Love You.

  2. Sorry SuBo, I thought you had ;)