'Wife' was an attractive thirty-something woman of Asian origins, with the figure of a health-club regular and leopard print leggings to match. She had a velvety-smooth complexion and those familiar 'panda-like' dark patches around her eyes. 'Hubby' was bald and lanky, sporting a tweed jacket with suede elbow pads and looked much older than his wife. The kind of husband who puts up with petulance in return for an easy life.
"That's the one I want! That Kuga... in that colour, that's the one!"
'Hubby' nodded in agreement and I rubbed my hands at the prospect of an easy sell with loads of commission.
Publisher's Note; the names have been changed for anonymity and compliance with Data Protection laws.
"I should have bought it two years ago instead of the Fiesta - don't know why I didn't"
"I think it had something to do with 'affordability' if I remember correctly" replied 'Hubby'.
I offered assistance as 'Wife' dived into the car, head first and almost impaling herself on the handbrake.
"Just looking, thanks" said 'Hubby' apologetically.
"What do you mean just looking? Bellowed 'Wife' from the drivers seat. "This is the car I want. I've always wanted one and you know it and now is the time to get it"
"Well...er..let's see if we can afford it first" whispered 'Hubby'.
I thought it wise to invite them to my desk, take details, price up the car and hopefully sell the sparkling new Ford Kuga before 'Hubby' could say "affordability".
If 'Hubby' gets his way it'll mean no commission for me and no sex for him for at least a month. I felt the urge to remind him how terrible celibacy really is, but decided instead to concentrate on 'Wife', or the soon-to-be proud owner of a new Kuga.
The next half-hour went smoothly, 'Hubby' sat quietly and 'Wife' couldn't wait to finalize the deal. Moments after the monthly repayments were mentioned, 'Hubby's' expression changed from the submissive and aloof look to one of sheer terror. For a moment I imagined the scene of para-medics administering CPR in the middle of the showroom to a 'Hubby' loosing his battle for life in front of my very eyes.
Turns out 'Wife' and 'Hubby' had a budget of £250 per month and the car would cost them £550 per month.
"Why is it so expensive" wailed 'Wife', about to burst into tears. "It's more than twice what I pay for the Fiesta!"
"Because the Kuga is more than twice the price of the Fiesta" whispered 'Hubby' before I had the chance to state the obvious.
"Can't you do something about the price?" implored 'Wife', looking at me like a nun looking at a crucifix.
"I'll see what I can do, but first you must tell me how much you can stretch you monthly payments to"
"I can sell you a new Fiesta for that kind of money, if you like"
"That's pathetic" shouted 'Wife' as she grabbed 'Hubby' by the arm and marched out of the showroom.
If looks could kill...
There are days in this business when I feel like I'm farting against the wind.