Drifting

My present lifestyle of ample free time, music, sailing, fishing and socialising may seem enviable to some, but, although wonderful, it still leaves me unfulfilled.

My spare time, and that's a considerable chunk of any given week, is spent reading, voraciously and insatiably, as if escaping into the realms of fiction will tide me over until such time I can reclaim the life I long for.

When socialising with friends, something I treasure, I still feel a certain kind of loneliness. Having no real  partner leaves me with no fundamental alliance. Without a loving bond I feel like an astronaut barely tethered to his craft, liable to at any moment drift off into the limitless universe.

It is indeed good fortune to have good friends, likewise it is also - in my case - a misfortune to not have a "special" friend.

Presently, the women I'm interested in are not available and the women interested in me are not what I'm interested in.  This is a paradox, an emotional conundrum that needs addressing as soon as possible, if not sooner.

Oh yes, I can almost hear you say that matters of the heart seldom go to plan or schedule.  I accept that, with reticence, but mere acceptance does not alleviate the pangs of solitude.

You see, it is only when I'm in love that I allow life's ordinary tribulations to sink into insignificance - such as the ordinary tribulation of temporary loneliness.

One consolation though, is that I now have more time to write songs and the planned novel, and also to express myself in this very public but personal diary.

:)