Friday, 8 June 2012

Reticence

S Dali's portrait of me

 I don't feel like talking, hence my lack of posting lately.

The reason being:

Presently, my life is an ocean of melancholy, punctuated by islands of calm acceptance. It is how I can best describe it - not exactly uplifting conditions to write about.

As you know, I'm on an unrelenting quest to find love. I know I can't function fully without it. I don't want to function fully without it. It is not in my nature to find solace in solitude.

But, it is still very much a case of wanting those that do not want me and vice-versa.

I now also realise the negative effect this quest is having in my life - when love is not reciprocated it can quickly turn into hatred - and consequently destroy some would-be friendships.

I feel as if I am fatally wounded by the recent loss of so many important people in my life and am not succeeding in my efforts to recover. Only love can help heal the wounds and start to fill the void. That's my opinion. That's how I see it. And that's all that matters.

I will persevere, I have no choice.

Or do I?

:(

14 comments:

  1. I think you need to change the record in your head. Kinda like quitting smoking. Like at first, not a minute goes by without you thinking about it but the more you change the record, the less you have to. It's pretty much a fact that when you are looking for love this hard, you don't stand a chance of finding it. When you are in this kind of head space, you're not going to attract the kind of person you want to attract. Maybe have a talk to your doctor about sleeping pills, antidepressants or even just diet and exercise?

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    1. Angeline, easier said than done as for changing the record. Antidepressants?...maybe.
      :)

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  2. You DO have a choice. I hope you know that your friends, both personal and bloggy, wish you all the best and hope you find the sun behind the rain. Happiness comes when you least expect it. I know, because I was at rock bottom when it found me and so I wish that for you!

    Many hugs to you my friend. XXXX

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    1. Hi Momma. I'm also almost sure something some good will come of this. Thank you, bloggy friend xx and a hug to you too :)

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  3. I don't agree with your gloomy forecast Joe. I think life and love goes on regardless of your search sooner or later love finds you.

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    1. Hi Tempo, I wish it was a forecast.But I think you're right when you say eventually love finds you :)

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  4. Love is too powerful an emotion to try to force it, Joe. I hope that you find solace in friendship. To me, that is the most valuable form of love, and if you're lucky, it could blossom into romantic love.
    but as they say, be careful what you wish for...

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    1. Nessa, I wish I was as sensible as you. Well, I am sensible...some of the time :) Thanks

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  5. mate i have been there, so as pithy as it sounds youre not alone..my thoughts are with you :)

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  6. I hear ya, Joe. I get it. Four years of complete and utter...alone-ness....It has taken its toll. I can't be alone any more. I just can't be. Alas, there is no other option. You can change the record in your head. You can change your attitude. But you can't find love where there's just no love to be found. The only thing you can do--the *only* thing--is keep looking. We must believe it will be found, lurking in some forgotten corner. Someday. Someday, Joe.

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    1. Hi MC, you're right, just never give up, and I sure won't. BTW, when are you coming to Madeira? It would be lovely to see you, we have lots in common, I think. And you'd have a great time here, I'd make sure of it. xx

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    2. Indeed, Joe, I think we'd have quite the time! And there's about nothing more I'd like to do to travel to Madeira, for sure! Looks sooooo breathtaking... So I'll say it again: Someday. Someday, Joe. :)

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    3. ...someday, someday...it would be Some Day :)

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