Torn between two worlds

I arrived back from a 3 day trip to the UK at noon today, feeling somewhat worse than I did before going.  It was a working trip (as a translator)  to Portsmouth; a small naval town in Hampshire, Southern England.

After 2 days of sailing around Portsmouth Harbour and the Isle Of Wight, I managed to squeeze in an evening in London to see my two sons and daughter.  We all met up at another relative's house and watched the Euro 2012 match between Portugal and Spain.

Some hours later I drove through central London, before going on to the airport for the early morning flight back to Madeira. While driving I was gripped with sudden feelings of  loss, loneliness and nostalgia.

Loss,  for leaving Shaun Katie and Mattie behind.

Loneliness , as the last time I drove through the same streets of central London, I was showing Madeleine the sights.

Nostalgia,  when driving past the places I grew up in and frequented, such as my old school, places of work, previous addresses, pubs and so on.

London has a massive pull on me...

...but so does Madeira.



:)

Update from paradise - and sunset pics

I've started working at Porta XXXII restaurant, (my big bro's place) and am enjoying it immensely.  I'll be helping with IT matters and promoting theme nights, especially the live music side of it.

As in "Door 32". Get it?

Working as I am leaves me with less time to blog, but I'll get round that little problem.

And now, for your enjoyment, here are some sunset pics from sunny Madeira

:)

Moments

Here are some pics at The Hole In One Pub - nice place.

Posing for a poster

Solo effort

Posing for another poster!

Mark and Sen just had to get in the act - Thanks guys

Same again

In full flow

 

I do have different clothes! - obviously the same night

:)

Holiday, glorious holiday

June 10 is Portugal Day. The most important day in our calendar. It is the date we celebrate Luis De Camoes  death - the Portuguese Language equivalent to Shakespeare -  the day dedicated to the Portuguese communities around the world and also National Day. Three-in-one, so to speak.

Luis De Camoes 1524 - 1580

  It is 2 pm, the weather is sunny and 26 degrees centigrade, Funchal looks sublime ( see pics below) and I feel happy.

Yes, I actually feel happy today!

Before I'm accused of being bi-polar, manic depressive or simply mad, let me explain.

This evening I play a gig at the 5 start Pestana Carlton Hotel...

The Carlton - 2 minutes walk from my apartment

 ...a place that has eluded me for a while, and I can't wait to check it out.  It may produce further gigs, something I'm hoping for.

I have also been offered a daytime job that will remove the anxiety concerning my financial status. Money worries have contributed to my depression of late.

Some say ´money isn't everything´, and I concur. It is 99% of everything.  Some say health and love are more important. I say I'd rather be ill and have money than be ill without it.  As for love...well, without money - the greatest aphrodisiac known - it is a much more difficult and elusive proposition.

Anyway, I feel good.

Happy June 10 to all.

:) 

Reticence

S Dali's portrait of me

 I don't feel like talking, hence my lack of posting lately.

The reason being:

Presently, my life is an ocean of melancholy, punctuated by islands of calm acceptance. It is how I can best describe it - not exactly uplifting conditions to write about.

As you know, I'm on an unrelenting quest to find love. I know I can't function fully without it. I don't want to function fully without it. It is not in my nature to find solace in solitude.

But, it is still very much a case of wanting those that do not want me and vice-versa.

I now also realise the negative effect this quest is having in my life - when love is not reciprocated it can quickly turn into hatred - and consequently destroy some would-be friendships.

I feel as if I am fatally wounded by the recent loss of so many important people in my life and am not succeeding in my efforts to recover. Only love can help heal the wounds and start to fill the void. That's my opinion. That's how I see it. And that's all that matters.

I will persevere, I have no choice.

Or do I?

:(