Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Naked Ape? Yeah, right...


Last week I decided  to give myself an all-over trim after my morning shower. All you folks who were around for the first moon landing will know what I mean. I'm at an age now when sheep and I have something in common - we must be sheared regularly.
After what seemed a couple of hours and feeling a stone lighter, I emerged from the bathroom with an added spring to my step. I felt lean and mean and ready to don my speedos at the beach. No, seriously, that's a lie - I would rather go naked than wear speedos.

(For the benefit of the uninitiated, speedos are skimpy brief-like swim wear worn by old men who are past caring and pre-pubescent boys with as little to hide as said old men).

But it's not all bad news! I'm into recycling and am proud to announce my surplus shavings were sufficient to stuff two pillows and a king-size quilt. Woohoo!

This post takes me back to a previous one ,18 months ago, when I complained about the same thing.

(...)

Naked Ape? Not me!

Why are we humans known as the 'Naked Apes'? Who ever came out with that saying should seek medical help. We humans are generally always covered up (excluding porn stars and fading celebs) and apes are not.

I am at a stage in life where I can't get naked, even if I want to! The problem is I've started sprouting hair from places that didn't have any before; that shouldn't have any as far as I am concerned. Why the hell is hair growing out of my nostrils, ears, back and butt cheeks (see my photo below)? All this new growth is weakening the thatch on top of my head !

 DON'T LAUGH ! You are all heading the same way.

:)

6 comments:

  1. bahahaha...oh..woops...yeah i spose i am, but i look at it this way..its something for the ladies to grab on to during the mating season...whenever that is...
    ugh speedos...you are right...the preserve of weird ole men and little boys...they are called budgie smugglers in Oz as it looks like the wearer is attempting to smuggle a budgerigar somewhere..
    now...its shower time..i may need to pay a little extra attention to my grooming needs this morn haha

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  2. Can't help it... I AM LAUGHING! ;)

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  3. This is extremely funny...and true! I loved every word and put a link on my FB page to bring people here. Funny, funny, funny!

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  4. Some refer to that as a Muslims beard - I have no idea what they are talking about. Speedo's are slightly on the dodgy side and should only be worn with a very hairy chest and a medallion.

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  5. Considering how often, and how many parts I shave on a regular basis (just to feel sexy), I'm just not feeling so sorry for you. I'm going to go join Momma C. in the laughing section. ;)

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  6. Dan: haha, budgie smuglers - I love the Oz humour

    Momma: Honestly, how caan you laugh at my misfortune? ;)

    Tempo: I'm glad it made you smile - thanks for the fb link :)

    Dicky: Muslim beard? - As for the speedos - I don't have a medallion but have the hairy chest :)

    Nessa: Just like Momma, laughing at my discomfort tsss :)

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