Update from paradise 4

A walk down to The Forum last night resulted in M and I going to the cinema. We both agreed to see ´The Thing´ - as we had already seen most of the others on show.

As the title suggests, The Thing is a sci-fi movie about the discovery of an extra-terrestrial craft buried in the Antarctica ice.

Anything to do with Antarctica is interesting to me and I was keen to see this film, despite my reservation about the lack of known actors. Not always a good ´thing´ I find. Mind you, I´ve seen plenty of films with top actors that I wish I hadn´t but generally speaking the best actors have the pick of the scripts and usually star in the better films.

The Thing is a decent story with lots of snow and ice...and little else. It always amazes me why writers of this genre normally depict aliens in such grotesque ways. This particular case was disgustingly ugly; the alien looked like a giant crab with traces of human and insect parts. An interesting attribute of this thing was it´s ability to kill people, devour them and then replicate their bodies before hiding in them to come out at a later date.Some imagination, eh?  Oh pleeease sci-fi writers out there, can you stop taking those funny pink tablets when you´re writing?

If we ever encounter extra-terrestrials, I expect to see some beautiful, perfectly formed beings. After all they will be so much more advanced than us in order to get here that they are bound to be more beautiful and as close to perfection as is possible.

That´s about it. Oh yes, I nearly forgot to mention Mary Elizabeth Winstead. How could I?  Mary is a beautiful actress with a convincing about-to-cry expression that will melt many a heart.

EW...and...

...MEW - Mary Elizabeth Winstead

It´s not your tern

On a recent  fishing trip I noticed a young lad of about 14 who seemed more interested in using his catapult to shoot pebbles at a pair of arctic terns than concentrate on his fishing.  Needless to say, he wasn´t catching anything, and missing his targets for good measure.

I don´t like any kind of cruelty towards animals - or people for that matter, but sometimes, and I mean only sometimes (as in very infrequently) the swans deserve a good slap in the beak.

I don´t care if I get death threats from the loonies at PETA (and there are plenty of them around) or verbal abuse from any other animal welfare group.The truth is I don´t care much for swans. Having said that I would like to state for the record that I wouldn´t wish them any harm - but don´t tell the swans I´ve said it.

For those of you who don´t partake in the glorious sport of angling and have never spent a  whole day around a lake, I will explain the reason for my disenchantment with swans. Anyone into angling knows what I mean already.

Swans are big birds- some would say too fucking big. Why are they so big? There´s no real advantage for an aquatic bird to grow to the size of  a hippo! They need a longer stretch of water to take off and land than a jumbo jet needs tarmac.

Swans are arrogant, bullish and territorial. They have no regard whatsoever for us anglers, who incidentaly provide most of their food in the cold winters (sweet corn and bread). They have no regard for other lake dwellers either, such as coots, moorhens and even their cousins, the Mallards, whom they see off with a hiss and a wing-flap.

I have seen a swan swim right up to an anglers float, stop, look at it for a minute and then push the thing into the lilies with it´s huge paddle-feet, causing a major tangle. Moments later, the snoozing fisherman jumped out of his chair, grabbed the rod and reeled in like mad, thinking he got a bite.  I´m sure I heard the swan tut as it paddled away, wagging it´s tail like a dog who´s just seen it´s owner.

Another time  I was fishing and left my post to go to the toilet, when from half way around the lake I looked back and saw a swan dancing all over my bait trays, scattering maggots and groundbait all over the swim. I ran back, flailing my arms and shouting obsceneties, but the critter swam off before I could get back. To make matters worse, as I was picking up the mess I slipped and ended up knee-high in frozen muddy water.

What a bastard bird! And the worse thing about it is that swans don´t even eat maggots! It was just blatant swandalism.

But I digress, as usual. Back to the lad with the catapult.

After half an hour of this I´d had enough and decided to intervene. By that stage no tern had ben hit as far as I could see and the pair were happy to swoop over the lake and the lad´s head as if in defiance, every 5 minutes or so.

I told him to stop pestering the terns in case he hurts one of them and to concentrate on his fishing instead.

He smiled and replied;

"I´ve been told that to be a successful angler I mustn´t leave any tern unstoned"

!?

:)

How to solve the world´s economic crisis

How ironic that wealthy Europe and the USA should be looking at China to help ease their financial burdens? Who would have thought it would ever come to this?

Apparently China is the only major economic power with spare cash - a surplus of many trillions of dollars. That´s a lot of dollars to have stashed away; no wonder the Americans are running short of them.

Let´s try to make sense of this situation.

China has the world´s fastest growing manufacturing base. True. China produces almost everything under the sun, such as pirate DVDs and CDs, cheap kitchen utensils and bird flu.

Is that it?  In a nutshell...erm...almost.

I can´t think of a single quality product that is manufactured in China.

Can you?

Let´s see:

Motor cars? No.
Buses and trucks? No.
Motorbikes and airplanes? No.
Clothing? No.
Furniture? No. 
Home electrics (Dish washers, washing machines and fridges) No.
Computers and IT? No...

...and so on.

What is the secret of their success?

Well let me tell you. China is the biggest producer of cheap bric-a-brac.

And not just China but all of the BRIC countries (Brazil, Russia, India, China).

The BRIC countries are the economic miracles of the day and between them nothing of real value is produced.

One man´s junk is another man´s treasure, some say.

To the current leaders at the G20 summit, I say;

Please encourage your peoples to produce counterfeit goods and cheap BRIC-a-brac if you want to prosper and keep up with the Wongses.

:)

A Strange Kind Of Faith

I feel an angry rant coming on as I always do when faced with any kind of injustice - be it perceived or real.

Did you know the Popemobile was fitted with 4-inch thick bullet-proof glass?

I didn´t either. What kind of faith is that?

This from the man whose  message to his 750 million followers is to put their faith in God! He clearly doesn´t and choses instead to put his faith in bullet-proof glass. Oh the hypocrisy of it all!

I´m sure the Pope has got an answer prepared, just in case we ever cross paths. He would probably come up with some ready-prepared cock-and-bull story on how he has to protect himself from Satan. Oh?!

Satan? The Devil? Does he mean the ´devil´ as in this other major cop-out invented by religions to cover all that goes wrong with the world?

Satan, as in the get-out clause; if it goes well it´s God´s work and when it doesn´t  it´s the Devils work. Surely if God was the Creator He must have created Satan! If He did who´s going to sue Him for that fuck-up?

Neat trick, but like every other trick to do with religion, not very clever.

I was going to nominate the Pope for the "Turd of the Week" award for his blatant act of hypocrisy but since it may offend some people (see note below)  I have decided to leave it for some other turd. There are many around.

(Note to Self: I hope people realize I don´t like to offend anyone. I never go out of my way to do so. Unless I´m provoked. As in this case.And in any other case to do with religion. Or capital punishment. Or racism-prejudism-sexism-agism and any other kind of ´ism  for that matter. Good, I hope that´s cleared it up)

J´ACCUSE...of not practicing what he preaches!

On a lighter note...still to do with faith (of the institution of marriage)...

...Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce.

It appears the 72 day  marriage of Kim and Kris is over. Kim released a press statement which said;


"After careful consideration  I have decided to end my marriage. I hope everyone understands this was not an easy decision."

72 days is a life-time for the fickle-minded celebs

 Of course not Kim, it took you 72 whole days! No one can ever accuse you of acting hastily...or just acting, for that matter.

:s

Enough to make you lose your head

Reading the news this morning I came across an article that nearly ruined my day. I say nearly because I´ve long given up trying to understand some cultures and so don´t get as upset as I used to.

It read;  "Man beheaded in Saudi Arabia for being a sorcerer"

A country whose favourite (some say only) past time is public capital punishment, Saudi Arabia, fatherland of the late Osama Bin Laden, has gone a step further in alienating itself from the world community by beheading a man accused of sorcery.

The victim was hauled to a public car park where his head was chopped off in front of dozens of onlookers.

What kind of people want to witness such a cruel act?

(Note to self: I´ll never will set foot in countries that have the death penalty. Good job its only a minority.)

The man is understood to have been arrested after he was entrapped by the Mutawaéen (religious police).

He was asked to concoct a spell to cause an officer´s father to leave his second wife!?!?

Yes, I´m as confused as you, but there´s more...

...when Abdul Hamid agreed to do so for a fee of approximately £1000, he was sentenced to death by a secret court without being allowed a lawyer.

Despite several pleas by Amnesty International to King Abdullah to call off the beheading, the execution went ahead as planned.

That the poor man should be sentenced to death without committing anything that would appear to constitute a crime makes this case even more disgusting and barbaric than most- if that´s at all possible.

Witch hunting used to take place in Europe too - albeit in the  dark ages. Luckily for us we´ve moved on a few centuries. Sadly  the Sharia Law countries haven´t and never will, while shackled to religion.

(...)

On a lighter note...

...I was saddened to read about the late Steve Jobs last words as reported by his sister Mona. She said and I quote;

"He looked at his wife, his children at myself and then above us and uttered the words ´ Oh Wow Oh Wow Oh Wow´ "

Poor old Steve had been immersed for so long in his work that he´d never seen his close family in the same place at the same time. At least thats what I think...or maybe... he was thinking about the latest Samsung Galaxy.