Childhood tears of fears

When I was young I used to worry a good deal about death  and the inevitable eventual loss of a loved one.

When I heard of someone outside of my extended family dying, I used to feel terribly sad for his/hers relatives. I would imagine how I'd feel in their place; how I'd cope with the grief and pain of mourning.  At times tears would well up in my eyes and I'd feel the pressure build up in my chest along with the empty hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. These fear-filled thoughts would usually enter my mind at bed time and often would make me get up. I would then sneak quietly into the living room to watch whatever happened to be on television.

Back in those days of terrestrial TV most channels would stop broadcasting around midnight, except for BBC2 when it would either switch to displaying news headlines on Ceefax or, if I was in luck, show Open University educational programs, back to back, for a couple of hours.

One particular night I was in time to watch some footage of a gas explosion that had happened that day in a primary school somewhere in South America. The disaster happened during class hours. The building collapsed, killing dozens of young children and their teachers.  I remember seeing desperate parents digging at the rubble with their bare hands, frantically searching for and trying to rescue their little ones - to no avail.  I felt their pain. I wept in silence as those poor mothers screamed and the fathers carried the look of absolute helplessness and heartbreak.

I knew there and then, there was no god.  No way would a divine father or all-powerful creator allow  innocent little children to die in such a cruel and wasteful way.

The recent tragic event at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut, USA has once again brought to the surface the despair and grief I felt as a child.

I can't bear to look at the photos of the dead children on TV, their angelic innocent faces or the distraught and anguished parents. Lives cut short, destroyed by some mad man who had little difficulty obtaining a weapon made specifically for the mass-murder of human beings.

I hope the Democrats can now act and push through the gun sale control legislation Bill Clinton fought so hard for but the Republicans successfully refuted.

Fucking Republicans!   How can any "decent" person ever vote for them?

It is only a matter of time before another, and another and another Sandy Hook incident happens.

The NRA, (National Rifle Association or National Republican Association) and their cowboy members (only 4.3 million) will continue to fight to maintain the "right to bear arms" in the US constitution.

It's just  like me saying I want the "right" to drive my car whilst under the influence of alcohol.

:(