Sunday, 26 January 2014

1461 Days Ago...

Four years ago today, lil' bro', you left. Forever.

Life has never been the same.

The sense of utter loss and injustice has not abated nor passed.

I still think of you most days.  And listening to music has become a source of both pain and joy.

Pain because I associate so many songs with you.You loved music. You'd often tell me to check out certain new songs or certain new acts.  I did and was never disappointed.

You loved a lot of different music.  And the music you loved is still being played, almost daily, like a cruel reminder to reinforce the loss I feel.

You loved a lot of people too, Paulo. And countless people loved you.

Life will never be the same without you

The cruel irony of it is that you have, unintentionally, caused me so much pain.  Yet you gave me nothing but boundless joy and unconditional love while here.

I remember when you were one year old and fell ill, victim to some nasty intestinal fever that very nearly cost you your life. I was five then and remember the awful panic when the doctor was called to the house in the middle of the night. But you pulled through.

I wrote this poem when you died. It is important to me. So important in fact that I read it more often than is good for me.

But it brings me closer to you.

The space you filled among us remains empty
The air you breathed is laid to waste
The joy you gave us, no longer flows
The laughter you brought has fallen silent
The love you spread now fills the void in our hearts

The grave you fill now has your selfless attention
And the spring blossom awaits your gift
For the flowers will reflect your essence
With their resplendent colour and fragrant scent

And we will admire the flowers like we admired you
And in our minds and those of our children
Your eternal flame will glow bright and warm
To light up our hours of darkness
and bring comfort to our winters of discontent


See you in my dreams, sweet brother of mine



  1. Joe, I wish brothers were like toasters in that you could always get another one if your's breaks, or else buy one if you never had one before. I don't know if I envy you for having had--and then lost--something so valuable, something that I've had to live without, but my best attempt at wisdom would argue is that what you lost was worth the grief that you feel. I would be surprised if you disagree, because he sounds like a gem, only infinitely more valuable.

    1. I kind of agree Snow, it's a case of better to have had and lost than never to have had. But then again, if I hadn't had my brother, I wouldn't be hurting now... The paradox of losing the irreplaceable

  2. My little brother died, an anguished man, driven to drinking and smoking himself to death. But, he was only 14 months younger than I. He has been dead for 12 years, and I am still lonely for him even though we lived far apart. I would have been closer, but it is hard to connect with a man in pain who inadvertently pushes or chases everyone away. He was a loving man and much missed still.

  3. I cannot imagine what it's like to lose a brother....Hope your poem brings some comfort

    1. Memories, photos, words and sounds are left - I just wish those reminders were enough NB

  4. Very moving poem. "Grief is the price we pay for love".

  5. Which is the most heartbreaking reason to wish there really was a heaven. I want to see my precious brother again while facing the truth every day that I never will.

    1. Yeah D, like an old post of mine about the subject, only it was a dream :(

  6. This is very touching and emotional poem.. When you lose the one u deeply loved, nothing can be painful than that.