To you, brother

It's coming up to two years since you left. I can't recall ever missing anyone as much as I miss you.

I think of you every single day. Everyday I see something that reminds me of you, or I hear a song you liked and the pain erupts in my chest with the same intensity as it did when I first received the dreadful news you had died.

Life will never be the same without you

No, the pain is not lessening Paulo,and it's nearly two years. What do the experts know? The same experts who say the mourning period lasts 2 years.

But please don't worry about my pain, Paulo - it's not your fault. You would never do anything to hurt me, I know that. You never did.

All I have left of you as a source of comfort are memories, photos and  the occasional precious dream. In my dreams you are very much alive. And I wake up startled, and for a brief moment I wonder if you still are. Then the dreadful truth dawns on me when I pick up my phone to call you.

As you know Mum has gone also. Unexpected, like in your case.  We were unprepared. Not to say that being prepared would have lessened the anguish.

I wrote this poem for you Paulo, as you know, last year. I posted it then, but feel the need to do so again. Please forgive the repetition. I know you will forgive me - you always did.

The space you filled among us, remains empty

The air you breathed is laid to waste
The joy you gave us, no longer flows
The laughter you brought has fallen silent
The love you spread now fills a void in our hearts
The grave you  fill now has your selfless attention
And the spring blossom awaits your precious gift
For the flowers will reflect your essence
With their resplendent colour and fragrant scent
And we will admire the flowers like we admired you.
And in our minds and those of our children
Your eternal flame will glow bright and warm
To light up the hours of darkness
And bring comfort to our winters of discontent

***
See you in my dreams, Paulo.

I love and miss you.

:(

Still pulling in the crowds

Last night I attended a  gathering at my sister-in-law Nina's house to pay tribute to Paulo, on the first anniversary of his death.

life will never be the same without you

The house was packed to the rafters. Family and friends united for an evening of eating, drinking and a little weeping. Paulo used to love gatherings like these, when contact is re-established between family members who can't meet as often as they'd like, for reasons such as work and distance. Paulo would've been in his element.

The food was a feast of dishes created by the indefatigable Nina; 'bacalhau' fish cakes, prawns, salmon, chicken curry, lamb chops, ribs and a vast array of finger-foods too numerous to mention. The dessert that followed was just as impressive; apple turn-overs, pineapple cheesecake, chocolate sponge and an array of ice-cream.  Nina can feed an army without breaking into a sweat and often fed the 'armies' Paulo had no problem gathering.

Next week I move into an apartment less than a mile from Nina's house. She reminded me of how happy Paulo would've been to have me living so close by:  I remained silent. I didn't need to tell Nina how happy I would've been...

:(

 

Paulo - In loving memory

 6 Dec 1964 - 26 Jan 2010

This morning on my way to work I thought about you, like I always do, in the solitude of my car. I thought about the heartache so many of us feel on this sad and regrettable anniversary; what you meant to me and to so many people and words started to form sentences in my mind. Words of tribute to a very special person. Words that don't fully describe the pain but nonetheless, made me feel a little better. Here's to you brov...

beloved brother

The space you filled among us, remains empty

The air you breathed is laid to waste
The joy you gave us, no longer flows
The laughter you brought has fallen silent
The love you spread now fills a void in our hearts
The grave you  fill now has your selfless attention
And the spring blossom awaits your precious gift
For the flowers will reflect your essence
With their resplendent colour and fragrant scent
And we will admire the flowers like we admired you.
And in our minds and those of our children
Your eternal flame will glow bright and warm
To light up the hours of darkness
And bring comfort to our winters of discontent
                            

****

Gone far too soon, but never forgotten. So long sweet brother of mine

:(