Sarah, this war must come to an end

It is time I take stock and choose carefully the direction my life will take. A certain amount of fear and trepidation is seeping into my mind as I contemplate the possibility of returning  to London.

A return to my spiritual home, where my heart and soul wander the same paths as my sons and daughter, is what I desire, but I also know it is near enough impossible due to financial restraints imposed upon me by a spurned and revenge-seeking wife.

My beloved offspring are 2000 miles away, beyond my reach and intimacy and as time goes on, the situation gets harder and harder to bare.  I long to converse in person (not over the airwaves) with them, and share their lives, their hopes and aspirations and most importantly, their unconditional love. I have distanced myself from them not through choice but by consequences brought about by greed and need for revenge of someone who, for two decades, was my loyal companion. The self same person who has kept everything we ever possessed conjointly, including my surname, and now seems to rejoice at inflicting upon me the severest wound of all - separation from my children.

Sarah, how much longer do you intend to keep punishing me while simultaneously depriving our son, whom you say you care for, of the father he loves and needs?

Our personal battle, the one you started by refusing to accept my right to end a faltering relationship, is not only hurting me and you know it. The message you give is that revenge is more important to you than the well-being of our son - something I refuse to believe.

There are no victors in this war of yours, only victims who may one day seek justice and retribution.

Absent without leave

I have been off blogger for 11 days - the longest ever absence. I´ve been trawling the recesses of my mind for ideas to post but to no avail. I'm presently in a pensive, not creative  mood.

I'm no longer involved in my brothers restaurant, and now have too much idle time in my hands. I´ve been reading voraciously (2 to 3 paperbacks per week)  and doing little else.

I continue to gig and socialise, with some poker playing sessions in between. I've even taught myself  how to do a one-handed trick of flipping one chip over two others... yes, I know what you´re all thinking.

Last week I got to know some visitors from the UK who were here on holiday and attended one of my gigs - Rob, Jan, Tim, Sheena and Mike and we had a few fun-packed and extremely late nights of music drink and chat.

Mike is a semi-retired microbiologist from Glasgow and a music lover. His IPhone has more music downloads than a local radio station. From religion to evolution, we had a few very good and eye-opening  chats. I told him if I had my life over again, microbiology would be my chosen career. He replied if he had his life over again he'd choose my lifestyle! Apparently his choice of profession kept him way too busy to enjoy life.

Valid  point. It seems so many people are caught up with so much work they have no time to enjoy the present. And then, as the accumulating years remind them of their fast approaching ending, they begin to wish they'd had more time for fun, for love and life in general.

But living for the moment as I do, does not in itself guarantee happiness.  That would be too much to expect.

I'll be back with something more substantial in due course.

:)

Life's mistakes are what the wise call experience

When history repeats itself and the event is good and positive, that's fine, but when it is bad or negative it means we're not learning by past mistakes.

Although I agree with this declaration and try to live by it, I am guilty, more often than I'd like, of failing to heed the advice of my own conscience.

This "failure" manifests itself repeatedly in my quest to find someone to love. I'd like to think I am old and wise enough to know better - but clearly that's not the case.  The more I deal with women the less I seem to know about them!  And when I get it completely wrong  I run the risk of losing a friend.

That won't do.

I wonder if there is a comprehensive  handbook/manual of some kind or an encyclopedia on the female species mindset on this subject? If anyone knows out there in blogland please let me know.

I have lots of female friends, and when I ask their opinion on these matters, I get differing and contradictive  views. I ask because, they being women, are much more likely to know how my prospective and desired thinks.

Here follows the advice from four different friends after each being told the story separately and as accurately as I could muster.

"If I were you I'd look elsewhere - give up"

"If I were you I'd continue and let her know exactly how you feel"

"If I were you I wouldn't give up hope"

"If I were you I'd distance myself and let her take the next step"


Even more interesting is the fact that the object of my desire is known to all four of them.


As Leonard Cohen once wrote, and I quote;

"All the rocket ships are flying through the sky
the holy books are open wide
doctors working day and night
but they´ll never ever find a cure for love" 


...or a comprehensive and foolproof handbook


:)






.

A most frivolous post - Madeiran girls

I have often harped on to all who'd listen, that Madeira is well served with beautiful women. More than anywhere else I've been.

It's not as if I've travelled the world, but I have visited most European countries. From Sweden to Spain, England to Greece, and I have never seen a higher concentration of female beauty than here in tiny Madeira.

When Madeiran girls are in large groups, such as in clubs, discos or pubs, the high percentage of beauties always amazes me.

So, in this light-hearted, tongue-in-cheek, Vogue-styled  post, I have decided to show you a few - and they're just some of the ones I know - friends.

Lisandra R 

Lisandra M

Tania 

Claudia 

Susana

Claudia

Sofia

Carolina

So, this is my flippant, self-indulgent attempt to prove some irrelevant point.

:)

100 Words: Most rivers flow to the sea

My life is synonymous with a river, flowing to the sea and it's final destination.. At times turbulent, but mostly gliding gently and unperturbed, the current also carries away some of my loved ones.  Some may be able to swim back, like wild salmon, and cross my path again. I long for those moments. Others are lost forever, absorbed  back into Nature's womb.

But the river will bring forth more people whom I have yet to meet and love. Those will be joyful events. But  inevitably, tempestuous flows will again cause more emotional devastation.

An unexpected precious gift

...where are you playing tonight?

That was the message received from Claudia on FB yesterday morning. I replied and asked why the question. She said someone wanted to go and see me play.

I didn't think anymore of it. I assumed a mutual friend had asked Claudia the same question. 

Claudia, as I have reported previously, has moved to the UK on a job assignment, and I miss her terribly. She is my most precious friend.   I could easily talk to Claudia forever and never get bored. She has been away two months.

But I'll start with yesterday's gig at Moynihan's. 

Four of my friends were sitting in front of the stage, requesting the odd song or two when my contact lenses decided to shrivel up, dry up with the air conditioning. I had a short break and took a bottle of mineral water to the toilet to rinse the lenses that were making me feel as if I were looking through opaque plastic bags . 

As I returned, rubbing and squinting my eyes I noticed someone standing in the middle of the floor who looked very familiar. At first I thought my lenses were still playing tricks with me, but then I heard her voice and saw her beautiful smile. It was Claudia!

Claudia decided to return for the weekend without telling a soul!

Well, I didn't quite know whether to laugh or cry with joy. 

After our extended greeting was over I decided to play a few more songs and asked Claudia to sing a song we used to sing together. When I need you by Leo Sayer. Great for harmonies.

 There she stood, next to me, sharing the microphone and singing a song that now meant much more to us than before. See the extract below and how relevant the words are. I lost my way with the lyrics a couple of times, no doubt due to shock and Claudia looked about to burst into tears.

...miles and miles of empty space is between us 

the telephone can't take the place of your smile

but you know I won't be travelling for ever...

when I need you, I just close my eyes and I'm with you...

What a beautiful surprise. What a wonderful gift to receive unexpectedly!

After the gig we all went down to FX Club where the band were playing and most of our mutual friends were.  

At some stage Claudia opened her purse and gave me a coin as a keep sake. An English pound coin. 

It is now in my wallet, where I will see it every day, as a constant reminder of someone so very special to me.

Claudia, as I mentioned in a previous post,  you always make me feel good and I love you dearly.

:)